Sunday Best?
A few times a year, the LDS seminary students come to school in their "Sunday best": dresses for the girls, collared shirts and ties for the boys. They look sharp! Even though this activity in honor of something related to the religious studies in the seminary classes, the atmosphere in all the ninth-grade classes changes markedly on such days. Since they are dressed for the occasion, students tend to act more like they would in church: a bit more reverent and mature, a bit less sarcastic and whacky. (Yes, I know some of you act worse in church than you do in school, but you know what I mean!) Because the majority of the student population is LDS, this attitude change affects the school as a whole, particularly classes like the ones I teach, where all the students are ninth graders. From the teacher's perspective, there is something neat about seeing all the students that usually pride themselves on their slouches and scowls come into class looking so proud and clean-cut (even when the teacher himself is terribly underdressed for the occasion!). It's hard not to smile at a kid who has worn nothing but black scream-o metal t-shirts and ragged blue jeans all year on the day he shows up in a three-piece suit, hair neatly combed.
Last week, the week before the LDS General Conference, there was such a seminary dress-up day. As usual, I spent most of the day smiling to myself as I watched the students file in and out, looking so official, grown-up, and business-like. Standing at the door, watching a class leave, I heard one student who was not dressed up say this: "I'm president of my seminary class, and I forgot to dress up. I feel like an idiot!" I could tell from his tone that this student was genuinely bothered by the fact that those around him were all in their best dress and he was wearing his usual school attire. There was something about what he had said that bothered me, but at the time I couldn't put my finger on it. Then the next class came in.
Because the words of the guy who felt "like an idiot" were still echoing in my head, I looked around at the students who had just arrived...ALL the students, not just the ones who were dressed up. How many of these kids also felt like idiots because they were not dressed up like most of their classmates? For some people, it can be embarrassing to be singled out in such a visible way. It's like the guy who shows up at the party in an outrageous costume because he thought it was a costume party...but no one else is wearing a costume. In fact, it would be the same for a student who dressed up on a regular school day when no one else did. All day long, people would be asking "Why are you all dressed up?"
On seminary dress-up days, the question cuts the other way: "Why aren't you dressed up?" And even though very few students are impolite enough to actually ask, everyone knows there are only two possible answers: "I forgot" or "I'm not LDS." Ironically, this creates a problem for everyone who isn't dressed up. Those who are LDS and didn't dress up for their seminary class worry about what their classmates will think: Will they think I am disrespecting my church? Will some people mistakenly think I'm not LDS? And those who are not LDS have concerns too: Do they look down on me because I don't go to their church? Can we still be friends?
Now I know that there are some people who relish the role of the outsider (because I was one of them), and something as harmless as being dressed differently doesn't bother them. Maybe they don't even notice. But for others, being part of the group is very important, and if they aren't dressed up on a day everyone else is, they feel uncomfortable. To quote the president of one seminary class, they feel like idiots. Is that fair? Is that right? Is that how Jesus would have it?
Of course the usual arguments and recriminations will follow any such question: We aren't dressing up to hurt anyone's feelings! If it bugs you so bad not to fit in, then why don't you just take seminary? We have a right to dress however we want! And so on.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not suggesting that we ban seminary dress-up days because, like I said, there are lots of things about them that I enjoy even though they aren't part of the traditional school curriculum. But after this last one, when I made it a point to look at all the faces, not just the ones perched primly on their Sunday best, I saw things in a new light -- and I didn't like some of the shadows thrown by that light. No one should feel uncomfortable, out of place, or "like an idiot" just because they came to school.
Maybe some of you in seminary could bring this up with your classes. Is there a way to celebrate the dress-up days without excluding those of other faiths? If not, what efforts can be made to lessen some of the potential hard feelings of those who might feel alienated?
It's something to think about....
Last week, the week before the LDS General Conference, there was such a seminary dress-up day. As usual, I spent most of the day smiling to myself as I watched the students file in and out, looking so official, grown-up, and business-like. Standing at the door, watching a class leave, I heard one student who was not dressed up say this: "I'm president of my seminary class, and I forgot to dress up. I feel like an idiot!" I could tell from his tone that this student was genuinely bothered by the fact that those around him were all in their best dress and he was wearing his usual school attire. There was something about what he had said that bothered me, but at the time I couldn't put my finger on it. Then the next class came in.
Because the words of the guy who felt "like an idiot" were still echoing in my head, I looked around at the students who had just arrived...ALL the students, not just the ones who were dressed up. How many of these kids also felt like idiots because they were not dressed up like most of their classmates? For some people, it can be embarrassing to be singled out in such a visible way. It's like the guy who shows up at the party in an outrageous costume because he thought it was a costume party...but no one else is wearing a costume. In fact, it would be the same for a student who dressed up on a regular school day when no one else did. All day long, people would be asking "Why are you all dressed up?"
On seminary dress-up days, the question cuts the other way: "Why aren't you dressed up?" And even though very few students are impolite enough to actually ask, everyone knows there are only two possible answers: "I forgot" or "I'm not LDS." Ironically, this creates a problem for everyone who isn't dressed up. Those who are LDS and didn't dress up for their seminary class worry about what their classmates will think: Will they think I am disrespecting my church? Will some people mistakenly think I'm not LDS? And those who are not LDS have concerns too: Do they look down on me because I don't go to their church? Can we still be friends?
Now I know that there are some people who relish the role of the outsider (because I was one of them), and something as harmless as being dressed differently doesn't bother them. Maybe they don't even notice. But for others, being part of the group is very important, and if they aren't dressed up on a day everyone else is, they feel uncomfortable. To quote the president of one seminary class, they feel like idiots. Is that fair? Is that right? Is that how Jesus would have it?
Of course the usual arguments and recriminations will follow any such question: We aren't dressing up to hurt anyone's feelings! If it bugs you so bad not to fit in, then why don't you just take seminary? We have a right to dress however we want! And so on.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not suggesting that we ban seminary dress-up days because, like I said, there are lots of things about them that I enjoy even though they aren't part of the traditional school curriculum. But after this last one, when I made it a point to look at all the faces, not just the ones perched primly on their Sunday best, I saw things in a new light -- and I didn't like some of the shadows thrown by that light. No one should feel uncomfortable, out of place, or "like an idiot" just because they came to school.
Maybe some of you in seminary could bring this up with your classes. Is there a way to celebrate the dress-up days without excluding those of other faiths? If not, what efforts can be made to lessen some of the potential hard feelings of those who might feel alienated?
It's something to think about....
posted by MRT at 8:27 AM
9 Comments:
Hi Mr. T,
Good to see you're posting again. I always enjoy some *food for thought.* I think it's a great idea to have a school wide dress up day--and there's definitely some possiblities for cross-curricular academic integration here. For instance, I would have liked, as a former *ninth-grade LDS dresser-upper* to have known more about what others believe, especially since I now live and work in a place where I am the minority, but am anxious to share what I believe and what is most important to me with others. I'm sure the students you describe might have a similar feeling. The situation reminds me of the elephant in the room--it's there, we all know it, but we're too scared/worried/embarrassed to talk about it. An open dialogue would do wonders in our schools and for building open-minded critical thinking in students.
Hey Mr. T!
I remember last year how it felt on those days where all of the seminary students would dress up. I always felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. My close friends all know that I'm not LDS, but on those days I would always have a couple awkward moments with people who were merely acquaintances asking me about why I wasn't dressed up. It always bothered me. I mean, I don't mind that they do dress up or anything, I just always felt like crawling into a corner on those days. The look on someones face when they look at me and realize that I'm more different from them then they originally thought. I love talking to my friends about beliefs. We learn a lot from each other. But I have a very hard time saying anything about that topic to someone I am not particularly close too.
Yeah...
In regards to what Mads said- "I mean, I don't mind that they do dress up or anything, I just always felt like crawling into a corner on those days."
The thing is, I don't think you should have to. As much as I'm for my church and all that jazz that I don't really feel like going into right now, I don't think that kids in school should have to go through the kind of...interrogations they do, just because they don't go to the same church as you. As sad as it is to admit this, I live in a neighborhood where a lot of the non-LDS kids just choose NOT to go to school where the rest of us do, to have their parents drive 'em somewhere else, so that they don't have to go through that type of degradation. I was reading on my friend's blog the other day, and she was talking about how all of her friends would go on and on about 'that one thing that happened that one time at Girl's Camp' or 'The Sunday School fiasco' or whatever, and how she would just sit there and wait for the conversation to run dry so she could join in again. Now, I'm guilty of that one myself (though there ARE some very... 'interesting' things that go on in my Sunday school class..that's what I get for having Frickin' Genius in there with me and my sis...), but I'm also no stranger to awkwardness in a conversation, just like everyone else. And the thing is, I don't think it's fair. But I've said that already, haven't I? Oh, well. Oddly, I am content with repetition.
I remember when I was a 7th grader and most of the 9th graders were dressed up. Like you said, I asked why everyone was dressed up, not really knowing what was going on or meaning to be inconsiderate. I didn't really pay attention to the dress up days until it was actually my turn to dress up when I reached 9th grade. Oddly enough, that was when I first began to distinguish the differences. People who I thought weren't taking Seminary were dressed up, and people that I thought were in Seminary or even LDS, weren't dressed up. It's like how you mentioned a kid who wore nothing but black all year, then shows up in church clothes. Dressing up does make people act a little more different, more respectful, more quiet(most of the time). But sometimes stereotyping someone who is dressed up for Conference in General doesn't always work. A girl, I discovered, was LDS, but just wasn't enrolled in Seminary because she couldn't fit it into her schedule. A lot of boys in my class didn't like wearing a shirt and tie all day, so right after Seminary they would change back into normal clothes for the rest of the day. So you never really know...
I asked my 9th grade who attends another school if they had seminary dress up day. She said that the other two teachers required it, but hers didn't because he didn't ever want anyone feeling left out. (as Mr. T described) I wonder if one solution might be for the seminary teachers to celebrate all week instead of just on one day. Tuesday teacher #1's kids dress up. Wednesday #2's, Thursday #3 etc. Or all 1st and 2nd periods one day, etc. etc. It seems in that way the people who stand out would be the people who were dressed up, and if they are willing to dress up and call attention to themselves, they might be similarly willing to engage in positive religious discussions that may be as simple as, "I'll be dressing up tomorrow" or "I'm presbyterian. It's interesting that all the members of your church across the world can listen at the same time to the same cousnel. We don't have a program like that. Our local minister uses his inspiration to direct our local needs." This would even help the "idiot" who forgot, or even those LDS kids who are uncomfortable dressing up. They wouldn't feel peer pressure from their classmates anywhere except possibly their seminary class that day. Just an idea. Good blog discussion.
Well Mr T. I'm not sure what to really say about your comment. In the constitution it states that we all have religious freedom- freedom to do what we want. I understand what you're saying but really we only dress up every once and a while- and I am personally proud to show who I am, it's a part of me that I don't want to hide, but at the same time I don't want to put in everybody else's faces. This argument could go on and on... but it just depends on who you are.
This is a little late for a comment, I think, but oh well.
The day you just wrote about was, well, an annoying day for me, to say the least. Throughout the day, all anyone would talk to me about was why I wasn't dressed up. Basically, all the conversations I had with people that weren't close friends of mine went something like:
Seminary Person: Why aren't you dressed up?
Me: I'm not LDS.
Seminary Person: That's weird. *pauses* Your last name is *********** so you must be related to *********** right?
Me: Yes...
Seminary Person: Then why aren't you LDS if your family is LDS?
Me: *walks away*
Honestly, getting constantly question about mine and my families religion bugged me. It wasn't their business in any way, shape, or form, and I thought they were being really rude about it.
Honestly, I could go on and on and on about how I feel about this. For now, I'm going to say that... Yes, it bugs me when they dress up and that I really wish they'd find a way to show their pride that doesn't single everyone out.
Mr. T,
I am LDS and think it's kind of silly to dress up for one class the entire day. I have a really close friend who isn't LDS and it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable when I'm around him because it reminds me that he's not LDS and it's kinda awkward. I think that they shouldn't have us dress up for it because if we choose to we can go to the conference building to listen to it and dress up then. This year our High School didn't have us dress up and I was grateful, I don't like how it segregates the school although it is just a show of respect.
I wish I read this blog a little bit earlier so that I could have brought it up in seminary because you know that I would have. I am LDS. I sorta feel that dressing up is a little irrelevant, but seriously, I just think that people are too sensitive these days and others (the people wearing the white shirts and skirts) are way too concerned about everyone else. But that's just me.
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