Discipline

Discipline is simply the ability to follow. The problem is that many people seem to think that discipline is synonymous with punishment. Christ had disciples, but he didn't spank them. He taught by example. He lived the way He wanted them to live. As a school teacher, I have a volume's worth of opinions on discipline, but I see a strange paradox developing in our society. Some parents simply don't take enough responsibility for their children, and others take too much!

It's common knowledge that there are too many parents in the world who are not involved enough in what their kids do. They don't go to parent-teacher conferences. They don't ask their kids what happened at school. They don't check report cards, and they are willing to let the television become a twenty-four-hour-a-day baby-sitter. Anything that will occupy a child so that the parent doesn't have to becomes an acceptable (even welcome) addition to the household: TV games, an endless string of rental videos, unhealthy habits like smoking, or unhealthy alliances like gangs. This lack of parental involvement in children's lives sets a poor example, and the children have no expectations to meet, so it is no wonder that many of them fail at school and lead such unhappy lives. The uninvolved parent is a character in the sad story we always hear, but there are parents who are too involved, and this is an equally poor method of discipline.

When I grade a research paper that was turned in by an ninth grader but reads like a doctoral dissertation, I get suspicious. Sometimes it is plagiarism, but I have found (many times from the students themselves) that it is frequently because Mom and/or Dad wrote the paper. Many parents seem to believe that grades are more important than the learning those grades are supposed to reflect, and they teach their children (by example) that the end always justifies the means. It's okay to let your mom write the paper for you if it nets you an A. It's not cheating to copy a friend's homework as long as s/he lets you do it, especially if you get full credit by fooling the teacher. It's not wrong to be conveniently "sick" on the day the term project is due, so that you can stay home and finish it, despite the fact that you had all term to work on it but didn't. It's okay to act like a fool all term as long as we can intimidate your teachers into giving you citizenship marks that will get you on the team. Some parents are willing to let their children avoid the consequences of their actions, but it is a disservice to the kids to do so. This creates dependence, which is the opposite of discipline, and will only make later life lessons much harder.

As is the case with many things, moderation is the key to discipline. There must be some rules that are firmly enforced, and parents must be actively involved in their children's lives. However, parents can't live the lives and fight the battles of their children. Some things in life are difficult, and it's okay to let a kid deal with the consequences of his/her actions. A great part of discipline is experience, and an effective disciplinarian (like Christ) uses that experience to teach life lessons.

Discipline is not about punishment, although it sometimes might involve some. Discipline is teaching by example, learning from consequences, and taking responsibility for oneself. If you spare the rod do you spoil the child? Maybe. But you'll certainly ruin him if you offer him no guidance at all...or too much.

(December 1996)